This is scary stuff.
Effective 1st March 2012 (which is literally not more than 1.5 hours away as I am writing this), Google will have a new privacy policy that allows it to gather, store and use personal information which you are NOT ALLOWED to opt out of without abandoning Google altogether.
That means, Google will have the ability to track your every move. So to protect your privacy, you can delete your browsing history by doing the following steps:
1. Go to the google homepage and sign into your account.
2. Click the dropdown menu next to your name in the upper-right hand corner of your screen.
3. Click accounts settings
4. Find the "Services section"
5. Under "Services" there is a sub-section that reads "View, enable, disable web history." Click the link next to it that reads: "Go to Web History."
6. Click on "Remove all Web History"
When you click on "Remove all Web History," a message appears that says " Web History is Paused." What this means is that while Google will continue gathering and storing information about your web history it will make all data anonymous, that is, Google will not associate your Web History information with your online accounts and will therefore be unable to send you customized search results.
Provided you do this BEFORE 31st of March. Hurry!
I wish I had known about this earlier.As a digital consumer, I am hopping mad! It really is a violation of my privacy rights.
Original sources of articles are from here and here.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Boss vs Leader
Came across this on (where else!), FB and it struck a chord with me.
Anyone and everyone can be a boss, but not everyone can be a leader. I have had many different types of bosses in my entire 13 years of professional career, and I can only think of 2 people I used to work and/or associate with my previous organisation whom I can honour the title of a very good leader in my books. Sad, ain't it?
For all the (horrible) "Bosses" whom I have worked with, I learnt something from them, too - I learn to consciously NOT to emulate what they do as they become a constant reminder to me of what a leader should ever not be.
"Iron fist, velvet glove" - One of the leaders I used to worked with shared this very mantra to me. It is one that I still remember till today, and it is one which I exercised upon when I see the need to.
Truly, a good leader is just more than what is in that list. And a true leader does not necessarily comes with the ranks (especially not when you trample on other people to get to where you are!), a high salary or a PHD from a very reputable university.
A good leader listens. A good leader is inspiring, unbiased and is genuinely respected.
A good leader is a rare breed. It is even harder to be one.
1111,4
This may not be of any significance, but I kind of like the 1,111 number when I noticed the number of posts I have so far published since I started in 2008.
One thousand, one hundred and eleven pieces of ramblings.Took me more than four years, that!
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Where's my Feb?
Aaaaaaackkkk! It is almost month end, and February is just a few days away before it is gone, gone, gone again. How scary-fast is that?
Where has all the time gone?!
Worse, I could not find the time to clear my head and take a little breather for a bit because, apart from having to work with near- impossible KPIs that have been shoved down my throat for the year, I have deadlines after deadlines right up my ass to deal with.
Top that up with a very frustratingly inconvenient situation when my NEW laptop decided to crash completely on me two weeks ago whilst I was in a week-long off-site training and having the IT guys confirmed that they cannot recover anything because it was badly damaged despite the fact that I took care of the precious new laptop really well, you are pretty much looking at a very wired-up, highly-strung and a stressed out freak-head!
I still don't have any laptop to work with and the temporary one they loaned to me is pretty much a useless piece of crap that has got nothing in it.
So yeah. I have been quite shit out of luck with things of late, and with work being so darn busy, I hardly have any time to sit down and mull things over to blog about.
The next few months is looking pretty grim for me. At this point, I am not looking forward of having to re-do all the work which crashed and burned in the hard-disk of my old laptop...
That could easily be at least another week of my life which I can never get back.Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk Tsk.
This is hard. Please tell me it will get better.
Where has all the time gone?!
Worse, I could not find the time to clear my head and take a little breather for a bit because, apart from having to work with near- impossible KPIs that have been shoved down my throat for the year, I have deadlines after deadlines right up my ass to deal with.
Top that up with a very frustratingly inconvenient situation when my NEW laptop decided to crash completely on me two weeks ago whilst I was in a week-long off-site training and having the IT guys confirmed that they cannot recover anything because it was badly damaged despite the fact that I took care of the precious new laptop really well, you are pretty much looking at a very wired-up, highly-strung and a stressed out freak-head!
I still don't have any laptop to work with and the temporary one they loaned to me is pretty much a useless piece of crap that has got nothing in it.
So yeah. I have been quite shit out of luck with things of late, and with work being so darn busy, I hardly have any time to sit down and mull things over to blog about.
The next few months is looking pretty grim for me. At this point, I am not looking forward of having to re-do all the work which crashed and burned in the hard-disk of my old laptop...
That could easily be at least another week of my life which I can never get back.Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk Tsk.
This is hard. Please tell me it will get better.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Stress Therapy
I can't really remember the last time I baked. I reckon that it must have been almost 2 years ago since I barely could find the time to cook anymore, let alone bake since Spud's arrived.
But something came over me last week. Even though I felt the exhaustion right in my bones, I decided to bake.
I made a batch of sugared-ghee bomb that melts in your mouth. You have gotta believe me when I say that once you start with just one tiny little bomb, you just cannot stop popping them in. The sugee recipe is nothing but simple. So simple you can do it with your eyes closed.
You know what though, I
But something came over me last week. Even though I felt the exhaustion right in my bones, I decided to bake.
I made a batch of sugared-ghee bomb that melts in your mouth. You have gotta believe me when I say that once you start with just one tiny little bomb, you just cannot stop popping them in. The sugee recipe is nothing but simple. So simple you can do it with your eyes closed.
You know what though, I
Sunday, February 19, 2012
On-the-go child seater
Unlike the First Year's On-the-Go Self Inflating Baby Booster Seat, this Cool Kid seating aid is more like a seat harness rather than a booster seat per se,
Still, it does keep your little toddler in place on an adult chair in the event that you can't find any dining place that offers the high-chair for little kids.
I first saw this on sale at a departmental store, and after figuring out what it was, I thought that this was actually quite a nifty little thing! It is compact and weights nothing - certainly a better alternative than that 1 gargantuan booster seat we have to carry around.
A few parents have already asked us about it when we whipped this up from our tote bag. When they saw how we used it, they liked the idea of it being compact and so easy to pack in, and so, I thought I'd share the tip here. And truthfully, after using it for a while now, I could not agree more. Just look at the size when it is all folded in...the length is just about the length of a pen.
This pack-in harness seat is certainly something very handy and useful to have --- provided your little tot would not mind seating in it.
For Spud, it truly depends on her mood!
Still, it does keep your little toddler in place on an adult chair in the event that you can't find any dining place that offers the high-chair for little kids.
I first saw this on sale at a departmental store, and after figuring out what it was, I thought that this was actually quite a nifty little thing! It is compact and weights nothing - certainly a better alternative than that 1 gargantuan booster seat we have to carry around.
A few parents have already asked us about it when we whipped this up from our tote bag. When they saw how we used it, they liked the idea of it being compact and so easy to pack in, and so, I thought I'd share the tip here. And truthfully, after using it for a while now, I could not agree more. Just look at the size when it is all folded in...the length is just about the length of a pen.
This pack-in harness seat is certainly something very handy and useful to have --- provided your little tot would not mind seating in it.
For Spud, it truly depends on her mood!
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Mr.Men
As far as I can remember, I have always been a big fan of Mr. Men and Little Miss since, but never actually owned any of those books.
Even after surpassing my 30s, I still find those characters hilarious. I don't think I have ever disliked any of the characters from the books. My particular favourite is Miss Trouble.
So, when I saw a box of sturdy hard-pages, mini-books of the Mr. Men series, I decided there and then that Spud should be entitled to her own Mr. Men series.
I was not sure how Spud would take to it when I bought it (I could only find Mr. Men), thinking that it would mostly be of interest to slightly older kids, but when I introduced it to Spud, she quickly took to Mr. Bump and Mr. Tickle like a fly to a pile shit.
Which makes me completely happy, because those Mr. Men books are just brilliant little things.
Spud now even asks for it when she does not see those books during her meal-times! (We use books as distraction when we feed her, just so that she would eat and they are now looking worse for wear; with some bits of food left-behind in between the pages)
Next mission: Scouting for Little Miss series!
Even after surpassing my 30s, I still find those characters hilarious. I don't think I have ever disliked any of the characters from the books. My particular favourite is Miss Trouble.
So, when I saw a box of sturdy hard-pages, mini-books of the Mr. Men series, I decided there and then that Spud should be entitled to her own Mr. Men series.
Which makes me completely happy, because those Mr. Men books are just brilliant little things.
Spud now even asks for it when she does not see those books during her meal-times! (We use books as distraction when we feed her, just so that she would eat and they are now looking worse for wear; with some bits of food left-behind in between the pages)
Next mission: Scouting for Little Miss series!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The making of...
... the next big great pianist (!)
Ok. Not quite; even though it does look like she knows what she is doing. Well, she doesn't.
The truth we know is that Spud was just mucking around with her Opa's piano and I just happened to snap a few cool-looking shots as if to suggest that she is this one very young, talented piano player.
These made some brilliant pictures to spin a story, don't you think?
But no, I don't have any stories to spin, just that Spud really was just mucking around and I have no idea how she managed to look as if she was playing it like real!
Kids, these days...!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Happy Times
Despite the mostly bad days whilst we were in Holland,we did have happy moments when we first got there. Not that very many, but a few hours of happy times when Spud has been more pleasant to be with.
She was laughing, she was giggling, she was blabbering, she was tolerable and despite the cold, cold weather, she was nice!
Spud is truly addicted to the swing - she has violently refused to get off that darn thing. Her smiles and laughter in these pictures blew me away and reminds me yet again what a really happy kid she can be when tantrums did not get in the way.
Looking at this pictures just warms my heart - the laughter is just contagious!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Soup for the soul
Recently, I decided to make some sort of soup for Spud for the sakes of variety and versatility.
It turned out to be quite delish and for the first time of making baby food, this is certainly something I would not mind eating myself.
Here's the recipe:
Ingredients:
Method:
It turned out to be quite delish and for the first time of making baby food, this is certainly something I would not mind eating myself.
Here's the recipe:
Ingredients:
- 2 small shallots chopped finely
- 1 garlic (pressed)
- 1 carrot (diced)
- 1 potato (diced)
- Some cabbages (roughly sliced)
- 2 teaspoon coriander powder
- half a teaspoon of cumin (more if you prefer a stronger taste)
- Mung bean vermicelli (soaked till soft in water)
- chicken stock (I use non-MSG stock-cube)
- 3-4 cups of water
- 1 tablespoon parsley
- Salt to taste
- Olive oil
Method:
- Fry the shallots and garlic in 2 tablespoon of olive oil
- When they turn a little brown, add the potato and carrots and stir fry for about 5 minutes
- Add in the coriander powder and cumin
- Add in chicken stock and water
- Bring it to boil
- Turn down the heat a little and add parsley and salt to taste
- Add the softened mung bean vermicelli
- Stir well and simmer for another 10 -15minutes before serving or putting portions of it in an ice-cube tray
Sunday, February 12, 2012
My little teapot
My proud new-find: a Vietnamese tea set!
In the context of teapots, this was such a rare find; makes me feel all proud and dainty for being able to acquire such delicate looking teapot and tea set!
Believe it or not, delicate is never a criteria I look for in a teapot. But, we did we spent months and months and months trying to find us a decent and an average nice-looking teapot for our own use.
Funnily enough, the kind of decent looking teapots we have in mind are pretty hard to find, and when we locked our eyes on the very few teapots which we saw at the departmental stores here, they cost as much as 5000 baht (about 200 SGD!), which, in my books, is absolutely insane! Who pays that kind of money for a bloody conventional teapot?
So, for months, we made-do with a not-so-exciting-neeehhh-looking teapot which we bought for its functional purposes for, of course, serving tea.
Who would have thought that teapots are so very hard to find in this country! And, guess where I find that ? At a shop that's in my office building!
You know what too, though: now that I have found one, I'm sure that we would suddenly be seeing a dozen of other fabulous-looking teapots everywhere we go!
Anyway, here's another shot of that pretty-looking thing from a different angle. I don;t exactly know what it is, but there is something about it that I find really appealing as it looks pleasing to the eyes.
In the context of teapots, this was such a rare find; makes me feel all proud and dainty for being able to acquire such delicate looking teapot and tea set!
Believe it or not, delicate is never a criteria I look for in a teapot. But, we did we spent months and months and months trying to find us a decent and an average nice-looking teapot for our own use.
Funnily enough, the kind of decent looking teapots we have in mind are pretty hard to find, and when we locked our eyes on the very few teapots which we saw at the departmental stores here, they cost as much as 5000 baht (about 200 SGD!), which, in my books, is absolutely insane! Who pays that kind of money for a bloody conventional teapot?
So, for months, we made-do with a not-so-exciting-neeehhh-looking teapot which we bought for its functional purposes for, of course, serving tea.
Who would have thought that teapots are so very hard to find in this country! And, guess where I find that ? At a shop that's in my office building!
You know what too, though: now that I have found one, I'm sure that we would suddenly be seeing a dozen of other fabulous-looking teapots everywhere we go!
Anyway, here's another shot of that pretty-looking thing from a different angle. I don;t exactly know what it is, but there is something about it that I find really appealing as it looks pleasing to the eyes.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Toilet Shop
Right in the heart of Amsterdam's shopping street, Kalverstraat, there stood a shop - Restroom Shop called 2theloo.
Yes, you read that right. A restroom shop.
Not just a restroom, but a shop. I repeat - A Restroom Shop. A shop which has public toilets in it.
And we happened to stumble upon it on our date-day out in Amsterdam.
In the entrance area, it has a little gift shop selling toilet-related product, a coffee bar, as well as a friendly store personnel who greets you, helps you out if you are confused as to what sort of place it actually is, and makes you your coffee if you'd care to buy it.
It will cost you 1 Euro to use the restroom, but in my opinion, I would not mind paying for such novelty. There were several cubicles and so, I did not even have to wait for my turn to use one. Besides, the toilets are kept very clean. The toilet cubicles were pretty well-decorated and it feels cosy to be there; cosy enough to take a long dump and away from the cold.
Although I thought it was kind of strange initially when we first saw it, I totally think that it probably is the most practical thing to have in a busy shopping street where a public toilet is not always so easily available!
A really cool concept that should be replicated anywhere in the world in every busy street!
Yes, you read that right. A restroom shop.
Not just a restroom, but a shop. I repeat - A Restroom Shop. A shop which has public toilets in it.
And we happened to stumble upon it on our date-day out in Amsterdam.
In the entrance area, it has a little gift shop selling toilet-related product, a coffee bar, as well as a friendly store personnel who greets you, helps you out if you are confused as to what sort of place it actually is, and makes you your coffee if you'd care to buy it.
It will cost you 1 Euro to use the restroom, but in my opinion, I would not mind paying for such novelty. There were several cubicles and so, I did not even have to wait for my turn to use one. Besides, the toilets are kept very clean. The toilet cubicles were pretty well-decorated and it feels cosy to be there; cosy enough to take a long dump and away from the cold.
Although I thought it was kind of strange initially when we first saw it, I totally think that it probably is the most practical thing to have in a busy shopping street where a public toilet is not always so easily available!
A really cool concept that should be replicated anywhere in the world in every busy street!
Friday, February 10, 2012
My pampering machine
When the going gets tough, the tough seeks...
some comfort from the almost-ultimate Pampering Machine!
Although nothing beats the real human touch when it comes to getting a foot or back massage, I have to say that my birthday gift courtesy of Silver Bullet has eased my trouble from having to go out of the house just to get a comforting foot-rub whenever I feel the inclination to.
They seemed so decadent to be used at home; but don't be fooled - Silver Bullet apparently bought these at a steal as just buying the U-Foot, they packaged it up such that the costs for both is significantly cheaper than just buying 1 separately. How they calculate that no one knows, but at the end of it, he practically got the back massager for free!
The only issue I have is that I have to keep dragging them in and out of the room when I want to use them to prevent the cats or Spud from meddling with them. But I guess that's a small price to pay for such comfort.
Did I ever mentioned that I love my husband very much?
[Actually, I am not the only one using it. I'm also now under the suspicion that Silver Bullet bought this for him too! :p]
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some comfort from the almost-ultimate Pampering Machine!
Although nothing beats the real human touch when it comes to getting a foot or back massage, I have to say that my birthday gift courtesy of Silver Bullet has eased my trouble from having to go out of the house just to get a comforting foot-rub whenever I feel the inclination to.
They seemed so decadent to be used at home; but don't be fooled - Silver Bullet apparently bought these at a steal as just buying the U-Foot, they packaged it up such that the costs for both is significantly cheaper than just buying 1 separately. How they calculate that no one knows, but at the end of it, he practically got the back massager for free!
The only issue I have is that I have to keep dragging them in and out of the room when I want to use them to prevent the cats or Spud from meddling with them. But I guess that's a small price to pay for such comfort.
Did I ever mentioned that I love my husband very much?
[Actually, I am not the only one using it. I'm also now under the suspicion that Silver Bullet bought this for him too! :p]
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
18 months update
I am almost truly convinced that whilst it is still a good six months away from Spud's 2nd birthday, that dreaded Terrible Two stage has arrived with a big, fat hello.
Blame it on the prohibitively cold weather, or the unfamiliarity of the surrounding when we were in Holland, and while the trip started out okay in the first few days despite her ultra crankiness, her temperament had actually gotten progressively worse as each day passes by.
I guess, to a certain extend, it also did not help that Spud got really, really sick for the very first time in her life whilst we were there. She got sick proper with fever up to 39 degrees for a good few days - not having the energy or drive to do anything but sleep. Before she came down with the dreaded fever, she has unsuspectingly projectile vomitted her dinner ON ME for two straight evenings in a row.
But the night she came down with a fever, she pretty much cried every half an hour, keeping us awake the entire night. While she has had bouts of cold here and there, this really was the first time she fell sick properly - puking, not eating very much and very inactive.
She was so out of it that she spent her day clinging to either Silver Bullet or me like a koala bear, sleeping all day. Come to think of it though, despite Spud being sick, not a bad day for us at all as she was mostly quiet - something which we have never experienced before!
Yes. Spud was QUIET.
Quiet.for.the.entire.day.
Not much fuss and spent her days just sleeping.
For us, that was a novelty - and easily one of the easiest days we have had ever. We had the sorriest looking little Spud ever. So sad that it was heart-breaking to watch her being so sick like that.
It was suspected that with every other kid in Holland falling sick, we speculated that she may have had what they called the 5th Disease - a mild illness which causes a reddish rash on the child's face. We never did find out if that was so, but she certainly had those rashes on her cheeks for almost a week!
Funnily enough though, for reasons beyond my or anyone's understanding, Spud has since been more clingy to her Papa and rejecting me for most, if not all of the time, especially after her fever was gone. While I observe that this reject Mama phase has been going on for a while now, Spud decided that she would unleash her undeniable show of rejection to me in the most hostile and violent way.
By hostile I mean, not wanting me to touch her or even be near her. The moment I reached out to her, she smacked my hands off as quickly followed by piercing wails as if she has been tortured by the evil witches. If she saw me coming her way, she diverted her way from me just as quickly, ignoring me completely, refusing any eye contact and gravitate towards Silver Bullet when he is around. Once as we almost accidentally bumped into each other (I got in her way apparently), she started throwing a fit right in front of my feet that I had to walk away.
By violent I mean she not only struggled really hard in trying to get off my arms the moment I carried her or when Silver Bullet passed her to me, but she then would also throw herself on the floor while I tried to firmly hold onto her so as to prevent her from falling hard to the floor and hit her head. She then continues kicking me, screaming and arches her back all the way backwards in her bid to get away from me.
When we went out without her, she clung on to her grandparents so dearly and refused to let me take her when she saw me coming; turning her head away and almost got herself into a major fit when I tried to touch her.
I am not exaggerating in any way here.
The show of rejection was spectacular. It was more dramatic than the sound and light show at the Pyramids!
There was nothing, and I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I could do to win her, for only Silver Bullet could calm her down. It did not seem to matter that I was not there. Even when she was really sick, she actually did not really want me. She did struggle a tad, but was probably too sick to fight me. When she got a little better, the more I tried, the more she acted up, and the more violent she became towards me.
I was beyond words. My heart bled as if it was slashed by a serrated blade. For many a times, over several days, I could only watch her cling on to Silver Bullet while I was being completely dismissed. My child did not want her mother. It made it worse for the fact that she has been sick. I mean, what child rejects her mother when she is sick?
It was like I am the evil step-mother. I was broken.
Perhaps I could even use me being a stay-home mom as an excuse if I was one. But I wasn't. So, technically, shouldn't she be happy to be able to spend more time with me?
What made it all more ironic was that since we arrived in Holland, I had not lose my temper with her despite her ultra crankiness. Not even a bit.
If I had lost my temper or shouted my head off at her, I can use that an an excuse for her to hate me. But for a while now, I have managed ot keep my cool (*pat myself on the back) . Even when she misbehaved and pushed her boundaries with me, I was calm and collected. She was difficult but not unmanageable.I was stern but I did not lose my head.
However, the moment she smells Silver Bullet, she turned into this little evil monster.
Suddenly, I am her worse enemy. While I heard that rejection is common for tots at this stage and is only "just a phase", I still cannot figure out as to why this stage has lasted so long (>9 months!), and to have her rejected me so violently like that was just too much to bear.
Being rejected is one thing, and like I have said before, I am comforted by the fact that she has a bond with Silver Bullet - but being rejected in the most violent and resentful ways is another thing altogether.
So, screw you if you think I am just being overtly sensitive. As level headed as I would like to think I am, I would be lying if I say that the violent rejections for days on end did not hurt at all. It was, to a certain extent, hard to not take it personally, and believe you, me, Silver Bullet gets equally frustrated because he cannot get a breather and his wife is a miserable little fuck because she cannot do jack-all to diffuse the situation as the little tot is likely to throw her biggest world-class temper tantrum.
I wish I could read a child's mind. Truly, whatever happened to make her change her tune towards me is something I guess I will never know.
What we did discover, though, was that after a few days of Spud's violence and hostility, we realised Spud just needed to be put in her place.
And that is a rather interesting piece of story to tell for another time.
Blame it on the prohibitively cold weather, or the unfamiliarity of the surrounding when we were in Holland, and while the trip started out okay in the first few days despite her ultra crankiness, her temperament had actually gotten progressively worse as each day passes by.
I guess, to a certain extend, it also did not help that Spud got really, really sick for the very first time in her life whilst we were there. She got sick proper with fever up to 39 degrees for a good few days - not having the energy or drive to do anything but sleep. Before she came down with the dreaded fever, she has unsuspectingly projectile vomitted her dinner ON ME for two straight evenings in a row.
But the night she came down with a fever, she pretty much cried every half an hour, keeping us awake the entire night. While she has had bouts of cold here and there, this really was the first time she fell sick properly - puking, not eating very much and very inactive.
She was so out of it that she spent her day clinging to either Silver Bullet or me like a koala bear, sleeping all day. Come to think of it though, despite Spud being sick, not a bad day for us at all as she was mostly quiet - something which we have never experienced before!
Yes. Spud was QUIET.
Quiet.for.the.entire.day.
Not much fuss and spent her days just sleeping.
For us, that was a novelty - and easily one of the easiest days we have had ever. We had the sorriest looking little Spud ever. So sad that it was heart-breaking to watch her being so sick like that.
It was suspected that with every other kid in Holland falling sick, we speculated that she may have had what they called the 5th Disease - a mild illness which causes a reddish rash on the child's face. We never did find out if that was so, but she certainly had those rashes on her cheeks for almost a week!
Funnily enough though, for reasons beyond my or anyone's understanding, Spud has since been more clingy to her Papa and rejecting me for most, if not all of the time, especially after her fever was gone. While I observe that this reject Mama phase has been going on for a while now, Spud decided that she would unleash her undeniable show of rejection to me in the most hostile and violent way.
By hostile I mean, not wanting me to touch her or even be near her. The moment I reached out to her, she smacked my hands off as quickly followed by piercing wails as if she has been tortured by the evil witches. If she saw me coming her way, she diverted her way from me just as quickly, ignoring me completely, refusing any eye contact and gravitate towards Silver Bullet when he is around. Once as we almost accidentally bumped into each other (I got in her way apparently), she started throwing a fit right in front of my feet that I had to walk away.
By violent I mean she not only struggled really hard in trying to get off my arms the moment I carried her or when Silver Bullet passed her to me, but she then would also throw herself on the floor while I tried to firmly hold onto her so as to prevent her from falling hard to the floor and hit her head. She then continues kicking me, screaming and arches her back all the way backwards in her bid to get away from me.
When we went out without her, she clung on to her grandparents so dearly and refused to let me take her when she saw me coming; turning her head away and almost got herself into a major fit when I tried to touch her.
I am not exaggerating in any way here.
The show of rejection was spectacular. It was more dramatic than the sound and light show at the Pyramids!
There was nothing, and I mean ABSOLUTELY NOTHING I could do to win her, for only Silver Bullet could calm her down. It did not seem to matter that I was not there. Even when she was really sick, she actually did not really want me. She did struggle a tad, but was probably too sick to fight me. When she got a little better, the more I tried, the more she acted up, and the more violent she became towards me.
I was beyond words. My heart bled as if it was slashed by a serrated blade. For many a times, over several days, I could only watch her cling on to Silver Bullet while I was being completely dismissed. My child did not want her mother. It made it worse for the fact that she has been sick. I mean, what child rejects her mother when she is sick?
It was like I am the evil step-mother. I was broken.
Perhaps I could even use me being a stay-home mom as an excuse if I was one. But I wasn't. So, technically, shouldn't she be happy to be able to spend more time with me?
What made it all more ironic was that since we arrived in Holland, I had not lose my temper with her despite her ultra crankiness. Not even a bit.
If I had lost my temper or shouted my head off at her, I can use that an an excuse for her to hate me. But for a while now, I have managed ot keep my cool (*pat myself on the back) . Even when she misbehaved and pushed her boundaries with me, I was calm and collected. She was difficult but not unmanageable.I was stern but I did not lose my head.
However, the moment she smells Silver Bullet, she turned into this little evil monster.
Suddenly, I am her worse enemy. While I heard that rejection is common for tots at this stage and is only "just a phase", I still cannot figure out as to why this stage has lasted so long (>9 months!), and to have her rejected me so violently like that was just too much to bear.
Being rejected is one thing, and like I have said before, I am comforted by the fact that she has a bond with Silver Bullet - but being rejected in the most violent and resentful ways is another thing altogether.
So, screw you if you think I am just being overtly sensitive. As level headed as I would like to think I am, I would be lying if I say that the violent rejections for days on end did not hurt at all. It was, to a certain extent, hard to not take it personally, and believe you, me, Silver Bullet gets equally frustrated because he cannot get a breather and his wife is a miserable little fuck because she cannot do jack-all to diffuse the situation as the little tot is likely to throw her biggest world-class temper tantrum.
I wish I could read a child's mind. Truly, whatever happened to make her change her tune towards me is something I guess I will never know.
What we did discover, though, was that after a few days of Spud's violence and hostility, we realised Spud just needed to be put in her place.
And that is a rather interesting piece of story to tell for another time.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Home sweet home
We are back in the madness of Bangkok traffic, back to the noise and filthy air pollution, back to work and back in the grind; all of us very severely jet-lagged.
After being away for more than 2 weeks, it is a relief to finally be back in our own crib. Amidst the chaotic city we live in, there is truly nothing like your own home. Even if it is a rented apartment.
Truth be told, the last few weeks had been tough. Really gruelingly rough. While Spud did behave better in the plane as opposed to all the previous flights we had ever had (both to and fro and much to our surprise, she slept for most of the time - antihistamine-free!), she unleashed all that stored energy in the form of not-so-very- appealing temperament.
Our annual vacation to Europe came a little earlier this year as we thought it would be a good idea to double-up with Silver Bullet's work trip as he had to be there for business for a week. Under the circumstances, not only do we get to save a chunk of change on flight, it would also be a great opportunity for a working mother like me to spend a much needed quality time with Spud; while at the same time, get Spud re-acquainted with her paternal grandparents. It was supposed to be a win-win-win situation for all of us.
I hate to say this, but it probably was one of the worst "vacation" I could ever have in my entire life. It was not the kind of break I had in mind. In fact, for me, it was no vacation at all ; it was stressful, it was heart-wrenching, it was exhaustively tiring - both physically and emotionally. (more on that in a separate post).
While it started out semi-okay in the first few days, the entire trip went awry right to the very end as Spud (and even us!) fell sick. No prizes for guessing that the the entire trip revolved around Spud of course. Above all, it certainly was nothing more than a classic case of Murphy's Law; saved by a day and a half of being Spud-free as we roamed our asses to Amsterdam for our little date-day and an evening or two with friends.
The icing on the cake to wrap up Murphy with a big bang was when our flight back to Bangkok was delayed for almost, if not more than 4 hours because of the bad weather. In fact, because of the weather causing transportation challenges, we almost were not able to make it to the airport!
So yes! It is not that I am not liking my parents-in-law (far from it!), but under the circumstances we have been thrown in, indeed, I could not be happier to be back in the familiarity of our own home. It is bad when I was actually and genuinely looking forward to go back to office, knowing how insane it can get.
So yes! I am a sad nut. I don't know how other mothers do it, and my respect for all stay-home moms,especially those who dare to do air-travel on their own little kids in tow, went up a few notches higher. To them, I bow my head down, I'll take my hats off and I salute you for doing such an honourable, yet really trying job.
And with this trip came 2 definitive realisation for me:
After being away for more than 2 weeks, it is a relief to finally be back in our own crib. Amidst the chaotic city we live in, there is truly nothing like your own home. Even if it is a rented apartment.
Truth be told, the last few weeks had been tough. Really gruelingly rough. While Spud did behave better in the plane as opposed to all the previous flights we had ever had (both to and fro and much to our surprise, she slept for most of the time - antihistamine-free!), she unleashed all that stored energy in the form of not-so-very- appealing temperament.
Our annual vacation to Europe came a little earlier this year as we thought it would be a good idea to double-up with Silver Bullet's work trip as he had to be there for business for a week. Under the circumstances, not only do we get to save a chunk of change on flight, it would also be a great opportunity for a working mother like me to spend a much needed quality time with Spud; while at the same time, get Spud re-acquainted with her paternal grandparents. It was supposed to be a win-win-win situation for all of us.
I hate to say this, but it probably was one of the worst "vacation" I could ever have in my entire life. It was not the kind of break I had in mind. In fact, for me, it was no vacation at all ; it was stressful, it was heart-wrenching, it was exhaustively tiring - both physically and emotionally. (more on that in a separate post).
While it started out semi-okay in the first few days, the entire trip went awry right to the very end as Spud (and even us!) fell sick. No prizes for guessing that the the entire trip revolved around Spud of course. Above all, it certainly was nothing more than a classic case of Murphy's Law; saved by a day and a half of being Spud-free as we roamed our asses to Amsterdam for our little date-day and an evening or two with friends.
The icing on the cake to wrap up Murphy with a big bang was when our flight back to Bangkok was delayed for almost, if not more than 4 hours because of the bad weather. In fact, because of the weather causing transportation challenges, we almost were not able to make it to the airport!
So yes! It is not that I am not liking my parents-in-law (far from it!), but under the circumstances we have been thrown in, indeed, I could not be happier to be back in the familiarity of our own home. It is bad when I was actually and genuinely looking forward to go back to office, knowing how insane it can get.
So yes! I am a sad nut. I don't know how other mothers do it, and my respect for all stay-home moms,especially those who dare to do air-travel on their own little kids in tow, went up a few notches higher. To them, I bow my head down, I'll take my hats off and I salute you for doing such an honourable, yet really trying job.
And with this trip came 2 definitive realisation for me:
- I am not qualified to be a stay-home mom and can never be a full-time housewife. Never. Over.my.not-so-dead.body.
- We will not be travelling by plane to anywhere in the world with a little child in tow in the next 2-3 years. No. We.are.not.travelling.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Raining snow
Before we got here more than 10 days ago, we kinda wished that it would snow; more for the novelty of Spud experiencing snow for the first time than anything else.
It had not snowed since my last post a few days ago, and today, right towards the very end of our trip, it kept on snowing for a good 4 hours (at least!). It was snowing so hard that we could not get out of the house - the kind of weather which my mother-in-law says she hates. The scenery surrounding this neighborhood now is so different from a few days ago - everywhere is white! Even the canal right behind my parents-in-law place has now gone frozen solid; all ready for skaters to start skating on natural ice!
It is currently freezing outside at -4 °C , and so far, we have not had the chance to take Spud out in the snow just yet. I'm still hoping we could, provided it stopped snowing soon.
Although I generally hate the cold, cold weather, it is also not every day that we get to experience such beauty like this. Just the sight of the snow falling on the trees and to the ground gives me such a warm, cosy feeling. Top that up with such a serene sight of Spud sleeping on her father's chest in the middle of the day - the image is priceless.
The sight kind of makes me forget what a terrible little monster she has been in the last few days.
It had not snowed since my last post a few days ago, and today, right towards the very end of our trip, it kept on snowing for a good 4 hours (at least!). It was snowing so hard that we could not get out of the house - the kind of weather which my mother-in-law says she hates. The scenery surrounding this neighborhood now is so different from a few days ago - everywhere is white! Even the canal right behind my parents-in-law place has now gone frozen solid; all ready for skaters to start skating on natural ice!
It is currently freezing outside at -4 °C , and so far, we have not had the chance to take Spud out in the snow just yet. I'm still hoping we could, provided it stopped snowing soon.
Although I generally hate the cold, cold weather, it is also not every day that we get to experience such beauty like this. Just the sight of the snow falling on the trees and to the ground gives me such a warm, cosy feeling. Top that up with such a serene sight of Spud sleeping on her father's chest in the middle of the day - the image is priceless.
The sight kind of makes me forget what a terrible little monster she has been in the last few days.
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