Karma?

Strange things I hardly ever thought about somewhat unfolded itself this week. In successive moments too, may I add. It just felt strange. Strange because it’s something I’d never phantom or anticipated, much less expected, in an otherwise another grueling work-week. Strange, in a feel-good sort of way.

You see, since my move to the new team, things has gotten extremely crazy for me as the entire team is caught in a Master-Servant sort of role. My entire team is the servant, and almighty Mr Clients, of course, being none other than the Master. Personally and professionally, I hate being in such a role, especially if both sides preach “partnership”. Partnership, my dear friends, does not allow room for people like us to be stepped upon like low-life roaches and having to kow-tow to every whims of almighty, unreasonable and insane Mister Clients. As partners (and may I add as consultants and expert in our field as defined by the job scope), we don’t’ have to agree to every damn thing Mr Client Almighty has to say. As partners, who are unfortunately human beings too, and regardless of the role we play in life, we have every right to say no to every unreasonable, insane request. If you can’t be nice, at least be civil.

I’ve spent the last few weeks (that felt like months already by, the way) in this new team mainly fighting fires, biting the bullet and juggling several other painful tasks till the wee hours of the night. Nothing unusual, really, but I’m bummed about sacrificing some personal time more than I already have to. At the end of the day, apart from the actual output that comes out from the email outboxes, it is also about managing people. Managing people while trying to predict and anticipate their responses, behaviors and their sometimes, stupid idiosyncrasies. We are what you might call, the unqualified psychiatrists, surrounded in a field of highly reactive loose cannons from all hierarchy levels. And we try to do this without losing our sanity.

Being on auto-pilot most of the time, I am not always conscious of how my actions or reactions could and would affect how other people see me. My main goal at the end of a working day is to complete all necessary tasks required, be a support pillar for my team while ensuring quality output within a certain time frame. Above all, my stand is delivering with integrity and professionalism, while keeping my compassion (or my secret contempt, depending on the situation) for fellow human beings in checks.

So a few days ago, a series of events sorta unfolded itself…one after another on the same day in all different contexts from individuals in different roles (client, a former supplier, a to-be former superior and a former intern). Talk about being over-whelmed in a span of about 5 hours!

Without going into details, each of the characters felt that I made a difference in their lives. This is despite my short stint with each of them. Suddenly I felt a huge purge of respect relegated to me from these individuals...a feeling I haven’t quite expected, nor digest in my head. With the same breath, it made me stop, think and reflect the things that I’ve done, and, how my actions, conscious or unconscious, inadvertently affect the behaviours of others in my presence. It was an enlightening, yet humbling moment. Humbling because those things I faced everyday could have gotten a lot worse and I could easily be one of those dirt-bags they’d trample on in this dog-eat-dog industry, had I behaved recklessly. Despite my occasional bitching and non-emotional approach, I seem to have done something right as they responded to me in a very positive way.

For a split second, I’m almost convinced that those crazy work, all the mental turmoil in putting out fires and now realizing that I contributed to making a difference in their lives, seems all worth it. Or is it, really? The truth is, for every one person that actually appreciates my style, I’m pretty sure there would be 10 more who’d hate my guts. The good thing is, I don’t have to please everyone. There is, such a thing as karma.