One could spot them a mile away – usually recognized by their distinct Singaporean accents, and somewhat a holier than thou attitude. Accents and supercilious attitudes aside, I then realised the no-chemistry situation was the main reason as to why I hadn’t bothered forging any friendships with them. The exchange of emails and phone numbers, if any, were done probably done out of politeness than anything else.
The encounter I had with a fellow Singaporean mom a while back left a bad taste in my mouth, and through that not-so- nice experience, I was reminded of the very few Singaporean moms I have met in the last few years here.
Disclaimer: This was written based from my (repressed memory) and personal experience alone, and hence, by no means stereotypical or a true representation of all Singaporeans living abroad. Any similarities with those living or dead are purely accidental.
Singaporean Mom #1:
This was my very first Singaporean mom encounter at a Christmas party only 3 years ago. We had a brief friendly chatter, and very outwardly, had a few things in common. She is of Malay ethnicity, married to an angmoh (English), has a young daughter (3 years old then, Spud was 1.5 years old), and has been living in Bangkok for a long, long time (8 years).
And that was where all things in common ended.
She did not seem too keen to chat. She mainly kept to herself and was only engaging her daughter. She seems to be in her own little world. She didn’t smile very much, and neither did I see her interacting with other moms as well. I never saw her again.Singaporean Mom #2:
I have a distant memory of meeting a mother-to-be of twins at one of my earlier Moms-meet session. I don’t remember very much of this lady, except that she was talking mainly about looking for domestic help.
She came across as someone who is very sure of herself as well as able to list out the kind of help she would need from her maid/nanny. I remember vaguely that she talked a lot about how she felt it would be hard to trust strangers to care for her kids. And for that reason, she would be flying her mom in to help her with her twins. She spoke about having very high expectations of those who would work for her.
Perhaps she didn’t like the fact that I asked questions as my was of getting to know her, but I had the impression that she didn’t really want to talk to me.
Never saw her again!
Singaporean Mom #3:Tall and lanky, this Chinese Singaporean stay-at-home mom easily stood out as one of the tallest Asian I have ever seen. She had her hair cut shaped like a bowl, and she wore a thick black-rimmed glasses. At a glance, she came across as someone who is quite naïve and nerdy. She reminded me of a very studious student from Raffles Girl’s School.
Ling is part of her name, and I first met her at my pre-natal pilates class more than a year ago. We didn’t really chat till a few lessons after, and she was also one of those who didn’t come to class regularly. When I first heard her accent, I remember being quite excited about meeting a fellow country-man. She seemed rather nice, but I couldn’t quite really place her. She then disappeared off the radar for a while.
I met her a few months later by chance as we were doing some grocery shopping, and she had recently (then) gave birth to a baby girl. We chatted very briefly, and I thought that her French husband had seemed very unfriendly. He looked grumpy and was very uninterested to even acknowledge us while we were having a brief chat with his wife. He looked hassled, and was somewhat hurrying his wife, almost kind of annoyed that she had chosen to stop and chat for a bit…perhaps all of the after-effects of having a new baby.
Feeling as if we had been hurried was probably a good thing, as I realised soon enough that I didn’t really have much to say to her. We thought that we probably should “catch up again one of these days”. With work being my main and valid excuse for not being able to get in touch as often, I dropped her an email to connect her to other moms from our Pilates class.
She replied with a thanks, and I have not heard from her since. (On my part, I hadn’t bother to keep in touch.)
Singaporean Mom #4:Everything about this woman screamed “look at me” – from speaking English in a rather posh accent to the branded stuff she wore, to the huge rock on her finger. Not only was the rock gigantic, her wedding ring was made up of at least 5 bands of diamonds all around. In fact, her huge-ass ring was the only thing that stood out in my mind.
The second Singaporean I met in the same day as Ling while at Pilates class, I reckon that she must have been the envy of her many Singaporean friends!
As I found out, she has been living in Bangkok for 2 years, and prefers to shuttle back to Singapore every weekend to be with her husband. She revealed that she was working in an almost similar industry that I am, and had strong preference for Singapore medical capabilities. She opted to give birth in Singapore.
While we exchanged phone numbers and I thought there could be a potential connection somehow, like the rest, I really didn’t feel like there was any chemistry between us. While it is usually quite normal for us to sort of hang around a little after our pre-natal pilates session for a quick natter with other moms, she was quick to dismiss me when I tried to engage her in a friendly conversation. In fact, she acted exactly like the Singaporean lady who bought my bouncer – she made me feel that I was inconveniencing her. She quipped with a “Sorry. My husband ‘s been waiting and I have a very, very busy schedule.”
All right then.
That was the last I saw of her. No love loss.
Singaporean Mom #5:
This one was by far, my most memorable encounter with a fellow Singaporean. She was introduced to me by a very well-meaning mommy friend of mine who wanted to connect a fellow countryman to me when I was on maternity.
This Singaporean mom hailed from India after spending a good 3 years there and had apparently been in Bangkok for only 2 days. She must have been the weirdest of the lot. She was highly flustered and hyperventilating almost, and she thinks that everyone was out to cheat her. She was asking questions about maids and nannies, and the few questions that she kept repeating were things like,” Do the maids and nannies here steal?” , “Are they honest?” , “Do they lie and cheat?” because (quote-unquote), “I come from India and they all steal from me! So you cannot trust anyone!”
And she asked those questions like it was the most common questions to ask outright when you first meet another mom and when hiring domestic help. She repeated herself several times when I would not give her a straight yes or no answer. I mean, how do you even answer to that?!
She seemed rather rough at the edges and from her description on the things that she would demand from her maid/nanny, she seemed to have a very high standard and expectations (read: difficult, impossible, petty). While I offered some information as to where she may be able to get domestic help/nanny, I was reluctant to recommend anyone I knew to her.
The other thing which struck me about her was her lack of display of attention for her 13 month old child. I remember that the child was still walking wobbly, and she was pretty much just left playing on her own – which was fine, except that the area where we were standing around had ragged pavement all around it. She already had some bruises and cuts on her, and all it would take was for the child to slip just once, and she would have a pretty nasty injury. For some reason, this weird mom didn’t seem to be worried and left her little daughter to her own devices; never once bothered to pull her back when she was about to get into trouble (instead, me and another mom who were chatting with her were the ones cringing away; between us wondering if we should be saying something!) .
She practically ignored the kid, and peeled the kid away from her whenever the kid came near her, citing that her daughter had been really clingy. I felt sorry for the kid.
The conversation with her became very tiring – she was very high-strung to the point of being neurotic. She was demanding answers to every question she posed. She was a black or white person with nothing in between. She knows what she wants and she wants it all her way. I thought she was a little bit freaky, and made up my mind that I want to have nothing to do with her.
So you see, I have only met a handful of Singaporeans in my lifetime here in Bangkok, and I am in no position to criticize them or be judgmental. They may not be the true reflection of all Singaporeans in Bangkok, but in my opinion, the average expat Singaporeans I have encountered here do come across as a little bit “atas” with a “I am so much better than you attitude.”
Given my not-so-exciting encounter with them, I am almost convinced that Singaporean expats, and at least the ones that I have met, have their heads in the clouds. And, between you and me, I have come to a realization that the Singaporean expats and I can never be friends, for, I will never be accepted in their “all-atas” (literally translated as being high above) league.
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