The Nanny story

[Warning: An extremely lenghty blog post]

Disclaimer:
Not intended to slight the capability of The Nanny, rather this was written from my POV based on a first-hand experience of having to hire and work with a domestic help for the first time in my life!

So we fired our previous nanny who has been working with us for more than 3 months just last Monday evening. I thought I had jinxed it when I mentioned the other day about having a nanny whom we can trust. It turned out that firing her might have been the best decision ever since we have found someone better and definitely more capable than she ever was.

To those curious, what actually happened was this:

Just a week before I was due to go back to work, The Nanny decided that pissing me off without rhyme or reason was her right.  Apart from coming in late, and not just for a day, but for subsequent days after that, she turned up for work with a long face and looking all grumpy as if she had been forced to cry over a her sworn enemy. To make matters worse,  she pretty much minded her own business the moment she walked into our place by cooping herself in the laundry room and ignoring not only Silver Bullet and me, but Spud as well.

Although I generally don't like the idea of having a nanny around, that sentiment was not personal. Her change of attitude really came out of nowhere as I had not felt anything amiss prior to this. Initially, I shrugged it off as just a bad case of waking up on the wrong side of the bed. When I first asked her about it on the first day when she was at it, she snapped at me with a "why you say like that?" accompanied by a glare I have not seen before. 

While I was a little taken aback, I let it slide and shrugged it off when she said "it was nothing". I continued to observe her for the next 2 days, hoping for some improvement. It went from bad to worse as she basically ignored Spud completely and was not attentive to her when I expected her to take over. After all, I am going back to work soon, so might as well relinquish some control. However,  I caught her staring into space  several times while she had Spud on her lap. She did not even interact with Spud and left her to her own devices. Worse, she let the poor kid cried frantically and did not make any attempt to soothe her even though she was carrying her in her arms then. She went just stoic and literally did not give a damn, waiting for me to take over so she can go home early.

When I finally confronted her about it after having seen her long and black face* 3 days later, she finally LET.IT.RIPPED. She said she was not happy because she thought I was not happy with her, just because I never said anything about liking her. She basically accused me of preventing her to get to know Spud by not allowing her to be a part of the family. She felt mommy and nanny should be doing things together all the time for the well-being of the baby. She went as far as to say that her previous employer had jokingly said to her that they were jealous that their kids were closer to the nanny (i.e. HER) than their own mother;  as if to say that she did such a good job as a nanny. In my mind, if any mother had said that to the nanny, there really is something wrong in the relationship. The Nanny added on, as if patronising me, by saying that the mother should not be jealous of the nanny because the child knows how to differentiate the two. The mother should let the nanny do her job as a nanny; but they have to do everything together.

But excuse me, I see everything wrong in all of that for obvious reason. I want my child to grow up with our values, not The Nanny and certainly it is not up to The Nanny to mould my kids as to how The Nanny wanted them to be! What a freak.

It appeared that she had  been bottling up her resentment of  having done more of the household chores and less of nanny-ing all this time whilst I have been on maternity.Honestly, it was not something she did not know. We had emphasised that over and over again when we hired her, and I reminded her what she signed up for having accepted the job when I confronted her. 

I thought it was sad when I had to point it out to her on the fact that I needed the 3 months to spend time with my own daughter simply because I will not be able to do that anymore during the day when I start working. While she acknowledged that, she still emphasised on "doing things together" because now she "doesn't know my daughter". I am not sure if she was just stubborn or daft, but I felt like she thought she should be the one to take over caring for the baby, of which I figured, she would have ample time to do that when I go back to work!

However, why she did what she did when she knew I was going back to work within a few days was beyond me. I was willing to give her another chance after our chat, but unfortunately while she did try to act civil, I could tell that her heart was not in it. She was cold and inattentive. On Friday, I came home with Spud and found her sleeping with her head on the dining table instead of doing the rest of the housework which she was supposed to do. I started feeling uneasy and somehow, Spud seemed to sense the tension and got crankier. Nothing The Nanny did could calm her down and, only when I took over from The Nanny did Spud stop crying. When she left that Friday evening, she did not even say bye to Spud. That was when I decided that we had enough of her attitude and we should not be tolerating such behaviour in our own home.

Honestly, had she waited it out till when I go back to work proper, it would not have come to this.

When we both came home together that Monday evening, she actually smiled a million smiles, looking happier than the week before. However, our mind was made up. Perhaps she did not see it coming, and if anything, she did this to herself.  We told her that we actually have been quite happy with her up until last week. When we told her that we think she should leave and that it was her last day with us, we thought she looked surprised. Her parting shot to us was this, "When you not around, I can do my Nanny work. I waiting for this week when you not home, and show you what I can do with your baby. My old employer, happy with me and baby happy". She did not even say bye to Spud when she left.

Somehow we have not been on a level plane. She clearly misunderstood that in no uncertain terms did  we ever want to leave Spud completely in the hands of The Nanny and give her the autonomy on raising our child her way. I guess it was something she was used to as her previous employers were hands-off parents, making her the main caregiver of the child. The same is NOT true for us.

I guess we should have seen the signs earlier on. Alarm bells were ringing, but we did not know any better since it was our first time hiring a nanny/domestic help. For instance, she was not too willing to carry Spud , limiting the carrying from the cot to the bouncer and vice-versa. (We thought it was normal then). She would cringe when Spud start to suck on her arms,or on any part of her skin Spud could find to suck on. Spud usually does not like it when her diaper is a little wet, but The Nanny would not change it if it is 'not wet enough'. Her idea of watching over Spud is literally just watch her by sitting next to her cot, limiting physical touch. She hardly ever acknowledged the cats, and will avoid touching them, always shooing them away when they come near Spud instead of introducing the cats as friends to Spud. She unabashedly reported to me that she had to call one of the maids for help when I left her alone at home with Spud as Spud was screaming her lungs out because she was hungry. She panicked as Spud got hysterical and she had to prepare milk. (She did this a few times; once she called me several times when I was out. I thought it was forgivable since Spud is not a very easy baby). Our chemistry has been lukewarm, sometimes cold and uneasy. On a personal level, I hated her baby-talk voice.

On top of that, she raided our fridge all the time. Our sack of rice was gone in 2 weeks when it usually will take both Silver Bullet and me TWO MONTHS to finish one bag. There were also several occasions when I wanted to cook and realised that nothing was left. She simply took them without asking. Our grocery bills were doubling up week on week.

Looking back, there really was a weak fit and she simply took our kindness for granted. I guess we learn from our ignorance and mistake.

They say everything happened for a reason. As silly as it seemed, we have her to thank for pulling such a stunt. Had she not done what she did a week prior to me going back to work, we would not know what we are missing.

We have now found a new nanny. Currently, we could not be happier with our choice. She seems dedicated, genuinely loves Spud (Spud took to her like ducks to water) and extremely hardworking. What is most important is that we are very comfortable with her and confident of her skills.

We hope we can catch a break and that this works out better for us this time round.

Spud & Nanny #1:

This was the very 1st time I caught her staring out into nothingness. She remained like that for a good 15 minutes, unaware that I was snapping away right behind her. At that time, I thought the image looked nice for a photo opp. Now I knew better.