Jealousy & Rejection

There has been a sense of jealousy looming in our household of late…something which we have come to expect from our dear Spud sooner or later.

The strange thing is though; it is not a full-blown jealousy. It is none of that pushing Squirt away or trying to hurt him in any way. In fact, despite being apprehensive about Squirt initially, Spud has been somewhat welcoming towards Squirt.  She is always asking for “Baby Brother”, willing to help me fetch stuff pertaining to her baby brother when I ask her to, and most of all, always willing to give him kisses and hugs.

Where the jealousy lies, I think, is likely to be the fact that she sees how much Squirt is being held by me, mostly because Squirt’s pretty much stapled to my boobs throughout the day. While she does not seem to mind it very much when it comes to me handling Squirt, it is a different story all together when she sees Silver Bullet or even our Nanny holding Spud.

It’s like we pushed her button, and immediately she would start her theatrics. She would almost instantaneously get all wound-up, starts to whine-wail, and persisting to be carried all the time. And for some reason, she would turn into this sudden clutz - falling down or trips over something, or hit herself on the table or whatever it is that she does – and then suddenly those “accidents” give her a legitimate reason to cry her guts out for what seems like hours on end. Suddenly, everything else is wrong by her decree and nothing, and I really mean NOTHING can calm her down as she goes on a wailing temper tantrum rampage.  

I almost hate it when she has one of those “accidents” , as not only it will bring about a prolonged bout of high octave wails, but it bums me that Spud prefers to run to her Papa all of the time, even though I am the nearest adult to her when it happens.  These days since I have been home and when Silver Bullet is not around, she literally runs to her Nanny when she wants to seek for comfort. 

The thing with Spud is, the softer you go in trying to console her, the louder and more defiant she gets.  And it could take us up to 2 hours just to get her to calm down - something which I obviously do not have the patience for. And, we have learnt the hard way that with Spud, you just cannot give in. You have to be calm and firm, and no giving in to her whims.

As it stands, Spud has single-handedly ranked me as the least favourite adult in the household; and this is especially hard to swallow since the rejection episodes she pulled on me not too long ago.

Granted, with us both being working parents, and apart from the fact that I don’t usually give in to her when she throws her temper tantrums,  we both spend an almost equal amount of time with Spud.

Now, more than ever, we both consciously focus our attention on Spud whenever Squirt is around. 

Plus, we also tend to google more on problems pertaining to issues with Spud rather than being concern about a newborn in the family!

I don’t know what it is with Spud, but I really do dislike the fact that the recovery process from the C-Section makes me feel even more useless. It makes me feel bad enough that I can’t carry her for at least another 1-2 months (and I haven’t been carrying her since I was 38 weeks pregnant) and it sucks even more that I apparently can’t even be the one to console her when things gets a little rough for her.

I love Spud with all my heart, and I can’t lie when I say that it hurts when she starts wailing , “nanny, nanny, nanny. Mama no. Mama no. Nanny carry” when she gets into one of those inconsolable wailing bouts.

They all say it is a phase, and by God! I truly hope it is as I have no other sources of intelligence to help me rectify the issues apart from riding it out.

It has been quite emotionally and mentally draining, and while I did not have any post-partum depression this time round, I reckon Spud will be capable enough to make me commit myself to a mental institution or seek psychiatric help if she carries on like this.

I guess it is true when they say that parenthood is a lot easier to get into than out of and I am very aware that you just cannot quit on your child. That being said, I realize more than ever that I have a lot of disciplining to do; mainly disciplining myself first  to not get upset about it, and respond rather than react to her temper tantrums – if that make sense at all. 

I’m still learning the art of parenting, and I can only hope that things get better. I'm sure I am not the only one dealing with a child who happens to have some "issues".